(#14) - revising the screenplay!

To be absolutely certain we had the best version of our script before filming, Luis and I sent our script to our actors for their opinions and we met with Tina, our mentor, for some extra insight. Primarily, we needed to cut obsolete lines from the script, as the first read-through clocked in at 9 minutes long (eek!).

the first line of defense: cast read through!

During our lunch, Luis and I got three of the cast members (Jack (Z), Dani (Isa), and Cristian (Charlie)) to meet so we can read through the script. We were able to get through the whole script in about 9 minutes (not good timing!). While each actor played their casted role, Luis and I alternated reading the lines of the absent characters (one of us would play the boys, the other would be the girls). This meeting ensured that, at least, these actors would be familiar with the narrative of the short film. 

the second line of defense: Tina!

After meeting with our mentor, Luis and I decided there were two key moments that needed some revisions.  The first was during the first scene where Courtney gets mad at Z. This scene is the audience's introduction to those two characters, where she explains that Z stepped on her designer shoes. As our character's costumes aim to represent the characters without them having to talk, it is okay to cut some of their conversation because the audience should be able to grasp the character's personalities based on their clothing. 

The second huge time eater is scene #4, where the characters have a conversation amongst each other to determine that the title of Valedictorian is hollow and does not provide any real benefits. Overall, Luis and I determined that a lot of the dialogue of this scene is stretched out and relatively cheezy. Fortunately, we came up with another ending that would be equally as effective!

The new ending would still consist of the voiceover technique over Andrew and Miranda on the beach, but with a monologue from the announcer, speaking directly to the audience. This would cut time as it would remove the dialogue between all the students talking to Bryce after his elimination all while emphasizing the same point that the competitive nature of schools is toxic. We think this an awesome, abstract idea (taking inspiration from The Twilight Zone) that would make for an exciting ending!!

Now all Luis and I need to do is to actually write this monologue. Luckily we don't need this monologue immediately as we can record it later, and we don't necessarily need all the actors!! We still aim to film both endings though so we have options for endings.

Till next time, Have a great day!